What Kind of Things Lead You to Want to Be Alone Your Whole Life? – The Very Early Years

In writing this chapter of the blog, I have to look all the way back to my very earliest memories to see evidence of the things that lead me to be so self-sufficient (and alone) for 50+ years. As the oldest of three and the only girl, as far back as I can remember I was relied upon to be kind of a “mini-mom” in our house.  I was doing cleaning and washing dishes at four years old.  Watching the total dysfunction of my parents’ marriage certainly lead me to think that sort of union was not for me.  I don’t understand why my parents even got married.  I understand they spent their wedding night at my mom’s parent’s house with my dad playing pinochle with his new in-laws and my mom sitting fuming on the couch.  What a way to start out, right?

My parents ran a small chain of hair salons. My dad drank all the profits.  At around the age of seven I was conscripted to help clean the salons, along with the housework I was supposed to do.  I don’t want to get into a wah-wah mode here, but I did want to share some experiences that shaped my view of life.

And then there were the never ending rounds of verbal, emotional, physical and other abuse heaped on my brothers and me. Man, this is a little depressing to write about even all these years later.  I’m so glad my story does eventually come to a happy place.  It’ll just take awhile to get there.

So I’m not going to get into all the gory details in this forum. I just want to continue to lay the foundation for what shaped me, and what makes my now happy place all the more inspiring.  And that’s the message I want to convey to everyone out there:  Keep on Keeping On.  It can get better, you just have to persevere and keep your eyes open for the good things in life.  So you can be open to receiving them when they come your way.

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